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Friday, September 3, 2010

Where does this lead?

Do you ever wonder what you'll be doing in 5 years from the present?  It's a common career exercise, but can our relatively simple minds really even begin to grasp the vast variability in what occurs from day to day in even one person's life?  Not likely, but I try.  More and more so lately.  And I wonder how many people could look back 5 or 10 years and honestly say that where they are and what they're doing is close to what they had imagined for themselves.  I find that I've constantly surprised / appalled myself.  I never thought I'd join the military, and although that decision was made in haste and not well thought through, it turned out to be a great experience (except for the whole "getting shot at" part).  Never would I return to Louisville having departed the military.  Wrong again.  No way would I be married at 20 and change, but when you know something, you know it and after 15 years I've proven myself right.  I did always expect I'd have children, if only as a longing to be a good father.  Of course the definition of a "good father" certainly has many variables in itself.  I like my definition best.  Working mostly in the medical field, I never thought I'd go to school and end up working in a technology field.  Never in a million years could I have guessed I'd move to NH and work for a quirky genius inventor, getting to touch so many amazing projects.  In the end, everything seems to fit in place and tie together nicely, but how much of that can be attributed only to "dumb luck".  It fits almost as though it were all part of an orchestrated plan.  Even now, in a way, as our proximity to Dana Farber (Arguably one of, if not the, top ranking cancer research institute world-wide) gives us the best chance for success with the least disruption and travel.  If you're going to let researchers and interns treat you, it may as well be Harvard, Right?  For now, I suppose we need simply to focus on now, and not concern ourselves with where we'll be in 5 or 10 years.  The concept is proving difficult.  Try as I might, I'm having a difficult time speculating about what the future has in store.  Next month is as unclear as next year and this new experience has broken me into a new person with different perspectives and ideals about everything, including what I might expect or hope for in the coming months and years.  My standards are lower, or higher depending on how you look at it.  You just never know what is going to happen.  The truth is, in most cases, you probably don't want to know. 

1 comment:

  1. I believe God wants us to live each day one day at a time sometimes one minute. God may have had more to do with you all being in NH than you may think. I would have never thought we would have a son for 5 years that had CF. We learned to enjoy the great and wonderful moments and learned to get through the bad moments with the Lord. I have been so proud of you and I know that is not much consolation for what you are going through, but that helps Lora so much. You could have handled this in many ways run away or what. We never know how we will respond when trouble strikes. Hang in there do enjoy those good times you have given many to Lora. We love you Brent take care of yourself. Know to that many are praying for you all!